Terror of the Labyrinth
by Cold Recluse
Summary: Bi-Han tries to act all tough in terms of his sex life - even going as far as to deny it - only to get a serious dose of Karma in the end. AU/Semi-OOC/Crackfic. Rated T for adult language. If you know about Scary Maze and the hilarious reaction footage videos related to it, you'll definitely enjoy this.


**Title:** Terror of the Labyrinth  
**Author:** Subterranean Stepdancer  
**Genre:** General/Parody

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the _Mortal Kombat_ characters, nor do I own the computer game called _Scary Maze_. Both belong to their respective owners.

**Author's Note:** I got this idea from a video I saw on YouTube a few months back. The video is basically footage of a young man's rather... **hysterical **reaction to the computer game known as _Scary Maze_. I simply thought it would be a pretty good idea to use the same scenario from the video, albeit switching things up a bit. I also figured it would add a nice humorous touch if my rendition of the story featured some of the well-known male ninjas. Sub-Zero will be the main focus in this one-shot, along with our favorite hellspawn, Scorpion. Smoke and Tundra are supporting characters. Hope you enjoy!

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**Sub-Zero's POV**

It's been quite a while since I'd last encountered my nemesis, Scorpion, and my younger brother was still pestering me about the very humiliating moment that had transpired not even five months earlier. Just thinking about the incident made the ice within my veins freeze, literally.

I am generally the type of man to never give a fuck about anything, but I will admit that when it comes to myself and Kuai Liang, you'd best stay out of my business.

Unless you want me to rip your spine out and feed it to the Tarks.

And I don't think you'd enjoy the feeling of death's cold embrace.

Tundra simply kept looking at me, and from what I could tell, he was obviously smirking beneath his mask. That crinkle around his eyes pretty much gave it all away.

_If Kuai Liang doesn't stop trying to aggravate me with his irritating ways, I'm going to kick his ass._

Rolling my ice-blue eyes at the thought, I turned to face my younger sibling. "Tundra, what do you want?"

Kuai Liang chuckled at the seething annoyance in my tone of voice, but didn't say anything. Instead, he stood from where he sat on the opposite side of our quarters, and walked towards me while shaking his head in mirth.

I knew my immature brother had something up his sleeve. In all the years I'd spent with this little bastard, I knew when he was up to no good.

And I am definitely _not_ in the mood to deal with his shit.

Exasperated, I formed a Kori sword and aimed it at my brother, growling. I did not want to be bothered. For Raiden's sake, I was fucking meditating!

Or _trying _to.

Tundra finally relented and decided to speak.

_Well, it's about time that you do, dumbfuck..._

"By the Gods, Bi-Han. Lighten up," he chided, promptly smacking me on my shoulder. I simply grunted in response with another one of my infamous eye rolls.

"You've been hanging around Tomas a bit too much, Brother," I remarked, earning two middle fingers to be stuck up and directed toward me.

"Oh, quit the bitching, Bi-Han. You're just upset because you were caught denying your love of MILFs the day of that incident involving those pornographic photos of Jade," Tundra said with a laugh.

"Tundra, if you don't stop while you're ahead..." I started to say, before the door to our bedroom suddenly flew open.

"Yes, I'm still pissed at you, Sub-Zero. Tundra and I got beaten within an inch of our lives by the Grandmaster because of you ratting us out. And we've not gotten you back for it, either."

Smoke was standing right in the middle of our doorway with his arms crossed. I did not know if he was scowling or grinning, since he had his mask on. Tundra glanced at his best friend with a wink, which the Enenra returned.

"Alright, you two. What the fuck do you want?" I asked again.

The Enenra and my younger sibling merely stared at me for what seemed like eons before bursting into hysterical laughter.

_I'm seriously going to get Sektor and Cyrax on these two clowns if they don't stop laughing like madmen. Even the Grandmaster wouldn't mind knocking some sense into these fools. So _what _if I snitched on them? They shouldn't have been creeping into the storage room in the first place._

"My Gods, this is just too good," said Kuai Liang, now recovering from his cackle fit. Smoke was taking deep breaths to calm himself, and for once, I was satisfied. I didn't want to deal with them all day.

Not that I had much of a choice in the matter.

The Grandmaster kept my brother and I in the same room, whereas Smoke was in the room to the left of ours. Sektor and Cyrax's more exquisite chambers were on either side of the Grandmaster's own, with all the other Lin Kuei trainees, lesser warriors and the like on another wing inside the temple.

I didn't understand why I had to share a room with Tundra. He isn't an elite warrior like myself, Cyrax, and the Grandmaster's son. Neither is Smoke.

Perhaps it is simply because Tundra, Smoke, and I are the only ones residing in the temple with elemental powers.

Oh, well. No big deal. All I have to do to get the Enenra and my brother to shut their mouths is defeat them in a two-on-one sparring match. Not like I wouldn't win, anyhow.

**Smoke's POV**

It was very amusing to see Sub-Zero fluster when his brother and I had brought up the incident from five months ago. You might be wondering what exactly it is that had happened, and luckily for you, I'm going to be the one to tell you.

As you know, the Lin Kuei's been dealing with the Black Dragon Organization quite a bit lately. I'm not too sure as to why, but it doesn't matter.

We've now got advanced technology as a result.

And knowing how sneaky we Forest Demons* are, namely myself, shit goes around fairly quickly here in the temple.

Well, I'd seen computers and whatever one day, and naturally, I was curious. I'd never seen anything like it before. And being the nosy little bastard that I am, I took it upon myself to go play around on one of the computers.

Of course, my best friend Kuai Liang was going to be the one to test-run the electronics with me. I'd be damned if _I _was going to get a beating from the Grandmaster all on my own.

Moving on, Tundra was initially trying to bail out on me, and I wasn't having it.

"Tomas, what if Grandmaster finds out and we get our asses kicked?" he asked, a hint of fear and worry dripping in his deep voice.

Rolling my eyes at the redundancy of his inquiry, I looked at him and replied, "You foolish Cryomancer... I'll have you know that you basically answered your own damn question."

All I got in response was a punch on my left shoulder, which I'd easily countered with a hard smack to the back of the Cryomancer's broad neck.

When Tundra groaned from the impact, I grabbed his shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes (which was hard, sort of. Kuai Liang is a bit taller than I am), before saying in a low, harsh voice, "Shut the fuck up. We won't get away with this if you're going to be running your mouth."

He complied, and we silently proceeded into the storage room in the back of the temple. This large room that had once been empty was now filled with computers, LCD screen monitors and all that other good shit. Tundra and I decided to get on one of the already set up computers, and we started figuring out how to use the Internet. It didn't take us very long to learn how to maneuver everything. After a while, we'd found this site that had some pretty... _questionable_ content.

As a man, seeing a naked woman won't help ease our natural male instincts. Especially when the woman is _very _stunning, and posing in raunchy positions.

"Well, that's something we don't see every day," Tundra muttered. He'd noticed something I hadn't.

On the screen, there were photos of a familiar, dark-skinned woman with green eyes and wavy, silky jet black hair. It took me a good minute and a half to realize exactly who this woman was.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed.

"Whoa, whoa... Wait. Is that...?" Tundra started to ask, before he was interrupted by an eerily familiar masculine voice.

"Yes, it's Jade. You both act as though you've never seen a nude Edenian woman. Fucking noobs."

Kuai Liang and I turned around to notice Sub-Zero leaning against the door frame, unmasked (a rare sight), and with a barbaric grin on his face.

Not only that, but his erection was poorly hidden by his training pants.

"Dammit, Bi-Han! You _always_ have to ruin the fun!" Tundra groaned.

"Yeah, Sub-Zero. Please don't tell me you've nailed her," I added, knowing that he was one of the only non-virgin males in the Lin Kuei temple. I could hear Kuai Liang jealously growling at his brother from my immediate left.

Sub-Zero rolled his eyes, casually replying, "Nah. I don't mess with Edenian women. They complain about men looking at their goods, yet they go around flaunting them like common whores."

"Right, okay. Whatever. I'm pretty sure that any Edenian woman can easily kick your ass," I retorted. Bi-Han merely laughed, another rare feat.

Tundra stifled a chuckle at my snide remark, but not before his elder sibling shot him a cold stare.

Basically the equivalent to "shut the hell up before I kill you."

"Be that as it may, Smoke," Bi-Han said, albeit a bit more arrogantly, "Jade wouldn't waste her time on any of us. Not myself, not Kuai Liang. Hell, not even you.

"Compared to her kind, we age much faster. Even if we'd gotten our chances at nailing or marrying an Edenian woman, we would be outlived by hundreds of years."

Kuai Liang and I couldn't believe the audacity of this bastard, denying that he admired Edenian women. For Raiden's sake, Bi-Han's got sex tapes he'd found of Princess Kitana!

And that was considered a felony in Edenia! Anyone found guilty of possession of pornographic material involving Edenian royalty would get immediate death.

"Funny for the man who loves MILFs to talk," Tundra said quietly.

Oh, shit! Tundra done struck a nerve upon mentioning Sindel... This is going to be epic.

"Fuck you, too, Tundra," growled the elder Cryomancer, before walking out of the door.

And that was the end of that.

Now that you know why Sub-Zero's been bitter lately (not that he isn't _always _cold-hearted and apathetic), we'll move on to present tense.

Today, five months later, would be the day Tundra and I get even with Bi-Han. I was still pissed at the fact that the Grandmaster had literally put the binks on me (I'm just using American ghetto slang. Don't mind me. Czech insults are overrated to me, anyhow, though they do come in handy sometimes).

And, Tundra, well...

Let's just say he had to stay in the medical wing for about six to eight weeks. Cryomancers don't heal as quickly as I do. I'm basically an undead vapor demon in a human facade. You can kill me, but I'll always come back.

(Ugh, back to the topic.)

All I know is that Bi-Han's gonna get served, and none other than his personal nemesis, Scorpion, is going to be a part of this.

By the Elder Gods, I'm so fucking evil...

**Tundra's POV**

It was funny as hell to see my brother still brooding over the events that had occurred a while back, and needless to say, I found mirth in seeing his sorry ass suffer.

Because of this motherfucker, I had to spend two and a half months in the damn infirmary. That self-centered Grandmaster of ours had beaten me so badly, that I had some serious injuries that would have killed me had Sektor not stopped him.

Fuckers. I'm glad Scorpion and I are allies, too. Bi-Han had killed him at the last Mortal Kombat tournament, but Raiden had intervened upon their last encounter to inform the two rivals that it was Quan Chi's pasty ass who'd killed off the Shirai Ryu.

Sad shame. Sorcerers... Gotta love them. (Sarcasm definitely intended.)

But at least the Lin Kuei were clear of blame now.

Speaking of Scorpion, he's actually meeting up with Smoke and I to pull a prank on my brother. Tomas and I have done some Internet research for good pranks, and we somehow came across this one game called _Scary Maze._

Sounds scary, right? Well, it is – if you're a pussy. Deep down, under that icy exterior, I know Bi-Han isn't close to being Sub-Zero.

Which is why Hanzo, Tomas, and myself are using this against him.

I could only pray that this doesn't backfire...

**Scorpion's POV**

I was on my way to the Lin Kuei base in the arctic wilderness of northern China in Earthrealm to rendezvous with Smoke and Tundra. Apparently my enemy, Sub-Zero, had been the sole cause of my two new tentative allies to get beaten by their Grandmaster.

Shit, even _I _ didn't beat my subordinates to the point of near death. And by that, I'm speaking of my former life when I was Grandmaster of the Shirai Ryu.

Sub-Zero may not have been the one who'd exterminated my family and clan, but my nature as a Netherrealm spectre had me itching for a nice fight.

Even if not physical.

I just wanted to see Sub-Zero melt; for him to show us all how much of a pansy he really is under that tough guy persona.

I'd just made it to the Lin Kuei temple, silently making my way toward the storage room at the back of the building. Once there, I saw the Cryomancer brothers and the silver-haired Enenra sitting in front of a computer screen.

_Fuck me for being dead. Damn Elder Gods..._

Tundra was the first to notice my presence, as he abruptly stood from his seat beside Smoke, making his way over to me.

"Hello, Hanzo," he greeted with a honorable bow.

"Don't bow to me, Kuai Liang. You're not Bi-Han," I said, keeping my white-eyed glare focused on the oblivious Sub-Zero. It looked to me like he was playing some sort of computer game...

It appeared to be a maze.

_Hmm, interesting._

Glad that his brother hadn't heard my insult, Tundra whispered to me, "We're going to get him with this game. It's called _Scary Maze._ He has to make it to the end, and when he does, a scary picture is going to pop up on the screen out of nowhere. There's gonna be loud screaming coming from the speakers, and it'll make my brother stain his loincloth."

If I would have had a mouth, I'd be grinning at the thought of Sub-Zero pissing and shitting his pants from fear.

Fuck that – I'll just laugh.

Oh, wait. I can't. Never mind.

_Curse you bastards to the Netherrealm, you vile, good-for-jack-shit Elder Gods! No wonder Shinnok defied you assholes!_

As we both turned our attention back to Bi-Han, Smoke stole a quick glance at us. It was then when I'd noticed that none of the three Lin Kuei warriors had on their identity-concealing masks.

I gave a curt nod of my head to the grey-haired male, and he gave one in return.

If I'm not hallucinating, I'll say Smoke had just grinned at me, showing his sharp, vampire-like fangs – evidence of his true demonic nature.

All three of us now focused on the elder ice-wielder, we quietly watched as he made his way towards the very end of the maze on the computer screen. Once he'd made it to the exit–

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Bi-Han yelled, as a picture of some demonic-looking, blonde woman with a wretched face popped up on the screen unexpectedly. Tundra and Smoke were now laughing hysterically at the sight of the self-proclaimed "hard-ass" getting scared.

The next part was enough to make _me _burst into laughter, had I still been alive. I only stood there, indifferent to the event unraveling before my undead eyes.

Sub-Zero had gotten so freaked out, that he literally charged his right fist with his Kori powers, and slammed it through the computer monitor. The man was frantically screaming as he jumped from his seat, crying like a pansy.

His younger brother and Smoke now rolled around on the floor in maniacal laughter, both of them clutching their stomachs. I continued to watch on as Bi-Han was _still _crying like a baby...

_Wait, did the man just piss himself!? _

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!" Sub-Zero yelled out in a hysterical rage, "This is **not** funny! Why the fuck did you do this to me!?"

Bi-Han cried and screamed incoherently, clutching the crotch of his training pants that were now drenched in his own urine. It didn't take long for him to unconsciously freeze his pants, either.

If I could have laughed, I would have. I'd have been right there on the floor with Kuai Liang and good old Tomas Vrbada, laughing my fucking ass off.

Still, Bi-Han was babbling on and on and on, while his fellow brethren still cackled like mad hyenas. I was more than certain that Quan Chi was out there somewhere, watching this entire spectacle with a huge grin plastered on his hideous face.

At least Sub-Zero got his ass handed to him. Fucker deserved it. Hopefully Sektor and Cyrax will never let the elder Cryomancer live this down...

**3 hours later; 3****rd****Person POV**

It had been a while since the nursemaids had come to the storage room at the back of the Lin Kuei temple to restrain a still manic Sub-Zero. It took several of them to calm him, but the Cryomancer had retaliated. He had lashed out, trying to kill anyone who dared to approach him while in this mentally unstable state.

The Grandmaster had ordered a multitude of Lin Kuei guards to subdue the crazed Sub-Zero, and they did not succeed until they finally got an opening. Once that opportunity struck, one of the stronger guards had managed to club Bi-Han in the back of the head, near the cerebrum.

Due to the blunt impact, Sub-Zero had finally fallen unconscious. The guards placed the sleeping ice-manipulator on a gurney and kept _him _in the infirmary until the Grandmaster himself felt that Sub-Zero was well enough to be released.

Little did the comatose Cryomancer know, however, that his fellow Lin Kuei were in the mess hall during dinner that evening, gossiping about what had happened three hours prior.

"What did Scorpion do the whole time?" asked a very curious Cyrax. Sektor was sitting beside him to the right, with Tundra to the left of the Botswana male.

"He just stood there, completely unfazed," replied Smoke. He was lazily stabbing his egg roll with a chopstick as he spoke.

"Well, yeah," Tundra chimed in, taking a bite of his egg foo young. He chewed on his food before continuing, "Hanzo's a dead man. He only feels apathy, anger, and hatred. Nothing more, nothing less."

"And so is Tomas," Sektor finally piped up with a mischievious smirk tugging at his lips, "But unlike Scorpion, Smoke's already avenged his death, and then some. Right Tomas?"

The Enenra rolled his eyes before playfully tossing a fortune cookie at the Grandmaster's son. Tundra and Cyrax looked on with _very _interested eyes as the red-clad male unwrapped the fortune cookie and snapped it in half.

"What's it say?" Tundra asked. He had a weird obsession with fortune cookies ever since early childhood. The other men observed as Sektor read the inscription from the little piece of paper.

"It says, 'Those who hide behind a facade are always the weakest.'"

Kuai Liang and Tomas looked at each other with wide eyes before laughing again, with Sektor and his good old frenemy, Mustard,* looking at the two best friends with stupefied expressions.

"What the hell is so funny?" they asked the laughing pair in perfect unison.

"Bi-Han! That fortune reading describes Bi-Han!" cried the younger Cryomancer.

The men continued to eat and converse amongst each other while an unknown, ethereal being lurked from outside of the cafeteria.

"Mortals... They never cease to entertain me," muttered the mysterious man. He smiled in spite of his stoic composure before tipping his conical straw hat, walking out of the Lin Kuei temple, and into the pitch black darkness of the frigid wilderness.

Raiden was highly amused.

**Fin.**

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**"Forest Demons" **= Translation of "Lin Kuei" from Chinese to English.**  
"Mustard"** = a nickname for Cyrax. The developers at Midway dubbed him this before giving him his official name.  
**  
**Hope you all enjoyed! Reviews welcomed! :D


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